These things …

… have depressed me. Yes, I know what they look like. Maybe they’ll look better once their beaks and legs are on. Little chance. Things always seem better in my head and in real life they aren’t as good as I thought or are impossible or too much to achieve or I don’t finish them. You can’t do that with people stuff – it doesn’t have any existence if it’s just inside one’s head. And I’m sad that so many things like this fail for the squids. I know they won’t care about what these look like and they’ll just disappear into the attic and not be seen again. This doesn’t matter. But all the time we’re failing them, disappointing them, letting them be bored. Maybe it’s worse because I’m marginal to them, I don’t know. And I know there’s an argument that that’s what childhood’s like, the inadequacies of adults being a good preparation for life and also allowing the child to do their own thing and develop their own resources and resilience. But they’re rather little for that. And I know that the time I have with them is very limited because they will end up despising many things about me.

Nora says, start from now – forget the past. But the opinions from so many people in the past are pretty embedded in my head. So I just go on doing the thing that’s nearest.

I’m not convinced by the historicity of the 1811 story. I already knew it was ahistorical often in terms of customs and language, but now I’m wondering what the point is of setting it then – you could move it to know and just change the clothes and explain that some of the technology is out of date (now used by traditionalists or crafters rather than parimarily for business). I think the historical setting may just have been a distancing effect and something that’s hidden the passivity of the characters. Whole thing feels like a trudge at the moment, and I keep trying to solve this by introducing new characters who are colourful but wallpaper (wch is interesting given the plot I guess). It’s very hard to get the interactions to seem at all normal – I guess because my own don’t.



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